Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Hello again

Hello internet and my poor neglected blog.

Life has been loaded lately. I was just put in the primary presidency so that's been taking a chunk of time. Also finishing up the (home)schooling year and getting ready for next. Meeting with clients. I have a couple of births lined up for this summer and I'm excited to attend a mom that is a repeat client :) I've also been trying to get exhibitors signed up for our baby fair this fall. It should be great!

We headed out to California. Back home. It was great! We had such a good time and the kids were wonderful and they had so much fun. I LOVE watching the kids enjoy themselves. We hit up Legoland and they were all so cute. I could hardly stand it. My boys loved Sea World. Even the baby watched Shamu. His favorite was the beach though. It made me sad to think that my kids won't grow up around the ocean. It was so nice to live so close to it growing up and have it be a normal, regular part of life. I feel like my kids are lacking. A lake is just not the same.

We're heading out on another little trip to Mount Rushmore. I'm really looking forward to getting away again! This is a big family trip so my parents, brother, and my sister and her family are also going. I'm sure the cousins are going to have a blast together!

Little Baby E will be 11 months next week. He's walking all over the place now. He's our latest walker. Our first baby was 10 months, next 9 months, next 8.5 months. E's been walking for a couple weeks but is just now getting confident about it and choosing to use it as his mode of transportation. Now when he has to crawl he does his little stinkbug crawl.

When I was pregnant with E there were a couple months when we suspected twins. When we were able to get in for an ultrasound and it showed just one BIG baby I was disappointed. I had all these hopes built up and I felt like I lost something. I figured I could always have another baby, but after the birth I couldn't even think of doing that again. After my other homebirthed babies were born I almost immediately looked forward to giving birth again. Not this time. It's been almost 11 months and I still shudder to think of contractions and pushing and the immediate postpartum period. Until the other day. I've seen so many brand new babies in the past 11 months but the other day I saw a man snuggling his new baby and it just sent shivers through me. All of a sudden it was like a weight was lifted as the chills ran up my spine and immediately the air was cleared of all those painful physical memories of his birth. Maybe not cleared - but more like those misty walls went up so I could think about the positive physical sensations instead of the negative. I finally feel like I have the strength and desire to do that again. And I want another baby girl so so so badly. I could definitely do more boys and I think I could try a couple more times to get that girl, but at least I know now that I can do it again and it will be ok. Do we assign too much meaning to this? Analyze it too much? Dream about it too much? Is it crazy to plan a birth that is years in the future? Whatever - I'm doing it. :) I'm content to hope that in a couple years I'll have another sweet baby.